Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
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