I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
Randomize
