I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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