it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
Randomize