Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
Randomize
