Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
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