someone threw a dead crab at me
I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
Randomize
