My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
Randomize
