I can tuck mytits in my pants
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
Randomize
