I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Randomize
