I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
