Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
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