i was born a porn star she said
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
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