i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
Randomize
