im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
Randomize