Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
My orgasm happened in two different decades
Randomize
