Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
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