just come out here and I will go home with you...
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
Randomize
