Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
Randomize