I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
