Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
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