haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
Randomize
