You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Randomize
