Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
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