If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
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