Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
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