Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Randomize