Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
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