whats a polygalesbian?
lesbian polygamists..duh.
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
Randomize
