So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Randomize
