I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
