I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
My day in three words: secret purse cake
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
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