Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
Randomize
