Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
Randomize