There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
Randomize
