Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
Randomize
