we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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