Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
Randomize
