if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
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