I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize