ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
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