I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
Randomize
