its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
