if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
Randomize
