Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
Randomize
