walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
Randomize