I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Randomize
