you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
Randomize
