I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
