I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
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