I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
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