Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
Randomize
