He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize