My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Randomize
