u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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