Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
Randomize
