He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
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