I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
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