giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
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