Three words: puerto rican gang bang
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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