Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
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