eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize
