Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize
