he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
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