think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
Randomize
