It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
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