I hate your face
I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
You ate ashes out of my bong
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
Randomize
