Where did you get a picture of my penis
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Randomize
