Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
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