my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Randomize
