question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
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