I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
Randomize
