What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
Randomize
