so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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