I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Randomize
