When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
