ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
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