she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
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