Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
Randomize
