Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
Randomize
