You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
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