NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
Randomize
