i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
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