is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
Randomize
