Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
Randomize
