Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
My ATM looks so different sober.
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
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