hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
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