I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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