While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
Randomize