Plan B is the new Plan A
Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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