I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
Randomize
