i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
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