I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
Randomize
